Football picks... Week 9

As promised, here are my matchups for our Week 9 Pick'em.  I have pitted the mascots against each other in a veritable deathmatch of sorts to determine the outcome against the spread.  We shall see how I did at week's end...surely better than I have been doing!

Texas Longhorns (-8.5) vs. Oklahoma State Cowboys.
ADVANTAGE: Cowboys

Rationale:  A cowboy could rope a longhorn steerinto submission.  

Florida Gators (-17) vs. Georgia Bulldogs.
ADVANTAGE: Gators.

Rationale:  A gator would eat a tiny bulldog as an hors d'oeuvre.

Southern California Trojans (-4.5) vs. Oregon Ducks.
ADVANTAGE: Trojans.

Rationale: Men of Troy were fearsome warriors. The would impale a duck on their spears and roast them over the ashes of their defeated combatants.

Florida State Seminoles (-7) vs. North Carolina State Wolfpack.

ADVANTAGE: Seminoles

Rationale: Seminole Indians were masters of the land and revered wolves. They would tame the wolves into submission. They also could destroy them with a bow and arrow.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-10.5) vs. Vanderbilt Commodores.

ADVANTAGE: Yellow Jackets

Rationale: Bees sting people. Commodores, being susceptible to bee stings, would therefore be rendered inept and could possibly die.

Texas A&M Aggies (-6.5) vs. Iowa State Cyclones.

ADVANTAGE: Cyclones

Rationale: A cyclone would destroy a person's house - even an Aggie, who might build a technically skillful abode. Nonetheless, mortal man is powerless when pitted  against mother nature's wrath.

Ole Miss Rebels (-3) vs. Auburn Tigers.
ADVANTAGE: Rebels

Rationale: Although well dressed, this confederate gentleman packs a six-shooter conveniently next to a flask inside his coat.  This pistol, when fired correctly, would easily dispatch a tiger at close range.

Nebraska Corn Huskers (-12) vs. Baylor Bears
ADVANTAGE: Bears

Rationale:  A) This bear looks mean, B) Corn husking farmers are too busy picking their fruitful crop. Bear easily mauls unsuspecting corn farmer and C) Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica.  We don't have Beets, but Corn is close enough.

Oregon State Beavers (-8.5) vs. UCLA Bruins
ADVANTAGE: Bruins

Rationale:  Pitted against another bear, this happy-go-lucky chap stands no chance.  But against a Beaver? C'mon..Bears eat them along with the salmon who swim upstream.

California Golden Bears (-6.5) vs. Arizona State Sun Devils
ADVANTAGE: Sun Devils

Rationale: Devils are powerful beings - the keepers of the dark realm in you will. This one is especially angry because he's been in the sun all day and is obviously sun burned.  Devils also command a legion of demons.  No match for a bear. Not - even - close.

Missouri Tigers (-3) vs. Colorado Buffalos.
ADVANTAGE: Tigers

Rationale: It's a close one.  Buffaloes are more stationary animals though - eating grass and meandering the plains. Tiger sneaks up from behind and attacks when Buffalo is grazing.  In a tiring battle, tiger eventually overcomes.

Oklahoma Sooners vs. Kansas State Wildcats
ADVANTAGE: Wildcat

Rationale: Sooners arrived before everyone else in their land-stealing party.  Because of this fact, they arrived undersupplied and without firearms.  Missing these essentials for survival, a group of them is easily overcome by ravenous Wildcats.

Kentucky Wildcats (-3) vs. Mississippi State Bulldogs
ADVANTAGE: Wildcats

Rationale: For previous reasons, a Wildcat could easily eat a Bulldog. Enough said.

Texas Tech Red Raiders (-7.5)vs. Kansas Jayhawks
ADVANTAGE: Red Raiders

Rationale: A Red Raider is armed with two pistols.  Shoot these tiny songbirds is a walk in the park.

Tennessee Volunteers (-5) vs. South Carolina Gamecocks
ADVANTAGE: Volunteers

Rationale: These self-selected fighters are woodsmen and carry long-barrel muskets.  Even those these chickens are trained to fight, they are easily sniped from a distance away.